If a Japanese friend or a colleague from work invites you to their wedding ceremony, it is important to prepare in advance. Recently, many weddings have adopted more flexible and modern styles that are not strictly bound by traditional customs. Even so, there are still basic forms of etiquette that invited guests are expected to follow.
Several practical questions usually arise when someone receives such an invitation. "How much should you prepare as a wedding gift, and how should it be presented?" or "What type of clothing is considered appropriate for the occasion?"
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Responding to a Wedding Invitation
In Japan, couples who are about to get married usually send wedding invitation cards about two months before the ceremony takes place. Inside the invitation envelope you will typically find a reply postcard. This postcard is used to inform the couple whether you will attend the wedding.
On the back of the postcard there are usually two options.
- Attend
- Not attend
You simply circle the appropriate answer, write your name and address in the space provided below, and return the postcard by mail.
However, before sending the formal invitations, the couple usually informs close friends, relatives, and colleagues about the wedding date in advance. They often ask these people to keep that day available. Because of this prior notice, most invitees respond that they will attend unless they have an unavoidable reason that prevents them from doing so.
In Japan, wedding ceremonies are generally attended by the families of both the bride and groom, their friends, and several people from their workplaces. Food and seating arrangements are prepared based on the exact number of confirmed guests. For this reason, if you reply that you will attend, you are expected to actually be present unless an unavoidable situation occurs, such as becoming ill on the day of the event.
A wedding ceremony and reception usually lasts about two to three hours. Guests are expected to remain present throughout the entire program.
If the ceremony venue is not very large, sometimes only the immediate family attends the wedding ceremony itself. Other invited guests are asked to arrive when the reception begins. For this reason, it is important to carefully read the details written in the invitation.
As an additional note, there are actually several etiquette rules related to writing the reply postcard. However, if you are not very fluent in Japanese, it is generally acceptable as long as you clearly state whether you will attend or not, include your name and identity as the sender, and return the reply postcard before the specified deadline.
Preparing a Wedding Gift
Preparing a wedding gift is one of the most important parts of attending a wedding celebration. It is a way for guests to express their happiness and support for the couple as they begin their new life together. Before the event, guests should think carefully about what kind of gift would be meaningful and appropriate for the newlyweds.
Estimated Amount for a Wedding Gift
When attending a wedding in Japan, guests are expected to bring a monetary wedding gift. The amount generally varies depending on several factors, including the style of the wedding ceremony, the age of the bride and groom, and your relationship with them.
For example, if the wedding ceremony and reception are held in a formal venue that provides meals and seating, the typical gift amounts are usually as follows.
1. Siblings of the bride or groom
- 30,000 yen or 50,000 yen
- Guests who are over 30 years old may give more than 50,000 yen
2. Cousins of the bride or groom
- 30,000 yen
- Guests over 30 years old may give either 30,000 yen or 50,000 yen
3. Friends of the bride or groom
- 20,000 yen
- 30,000 yen
- 50,000 yen
4. Workplace relationships such as supervisors, subordinates, or colleagues
- Between 30,000 yen and 50,000 yen
If you are invited as a friend or coworker, the most common wedding gift amount is 30,000 yen. Guests who are older often give around 50,000 yen.
If a married couple is invited together, they may present a joint wedding gift of approximately 50,000 yen to 70,000 yen.
Another important detail is that wedding gifts should ideally be given using new banknotes. If you do not have new bills available, you can exchange your money for new banknotes at a bank before the event.
The Envelope Used for a Wedding Gift
In Japanese weddings, etiquette does not only concern the amount of the wedding gift. The envelope used to present the gift also follows specific traditions.
Envelopes used for celebratory occasions such as weddings, starting a new job, or retirement are decorated with a special cord known as mizuhiki. The meaning of mizuhiki varies depending on its color and the way it is tied.
For wedding ceremonies, the cord should be red and white or gold and white. The appropriate knot styles include the following.
- Musubi kiri knot. This knot is tied tightly, with both ends of the cord raised.
- Awaji musubi knot. This knot is formed by creating loops from both sides of the cord and weaving them together with the raised ends.
These knots are designed so that they cannot easily be undone. They symbolize a strong and unbreakable bond between the bride and groom. They also represent the idea that marriage is a once in a lifetime event.
Because of this meaning, the chou musubi knot, which resembles a butterfly knot, should not be used for wedding gift envelopes. This knot can easily be untied and tied again, which makes it unsuitable for a wedding gift.
The envelope itself can also reflect the level of formality and the amount of the gift. Larger gift amounts are usually presented in more decorative and elegant envelopes.
In addition to placing the money inside the envelope, there are several other steps that should be followed.
- Write your name on the back or front of the envelope.
- Write the amount of money you are giving on the inner envelope.
You can easily find examples of how to do this online. However, if you are unsure about the correct format, it is safest to ask a trusted Japanese friend or colleague for guidance.
Clothing to Wear
Choosing appropriate clothing is another essential aspect of attending a wedding. Guests should dress in a way that respects the formality and atmosphere of the event while maintaining a neat and elegant appearance.
Men Usually Wear a Suit and Leather Shoes
When attending a wedding ceremony, the items you need to bring are quite simple. You only need to bring the wedding gift, along with your wallet, phone, and a handkerchief. However, special attention should be given to the clothing you wear.
Male guests typically wear a black suit. Regardless of the atmosphere or style of the wedding party, wearing a black suit is generally considered appropriate and safe. Ideally, it should not be the same suit that you regularly wear to work. Instead, it is better to wear a suit reserved for formal occasions.
For more casual wedding receptions, suits in other colors such as gray or navy blue may also be acceptable.
You should wear a plain white dress shirt without patterns. Avoid shirts with button down collars and short sleeves. Choose a tie with a soft and elegant color such as silver gray, or a tie with subtle white stripes.
For footwear, choose black leather shoes without laces.
Women Can Wear a Dress or Kimono
Male guests are generally expected to wear a black suit with a white shirt. Female guests, however, have a wider range of clothing options. Because of this flexibility, deciding what to wear can sometimes feel confusing.
Women may choose to wear a traditional kimono. However, wearing a formal party dress is usually simpler and more convenient.
When selecting a dress, several guidelines should be considered.
- Avoid wearing dresses that are entirely white or entirely black. White is associated with the bride’s wedding gown, while black is commonly associated with funerals.
- Avoid dresses that expose the shoulders. If necessary, cover the shoulders with a bolero or a similar garment.
- Avoid dresses that are excessively short.
- Avoid clothing and accessories that are overly shiny or decorated with very striking patterns.
Footwear is also important.
- Wear pumps or heeled shoes that cover the toes and heels.
- Avoid wearing boots.
- Do not go barefoot.
- Avoid colored tights. It is recommended to wear beige stockings.
Your hairstyle should also appear neat and elegant. You may arrange your hair yourself, but many people prefer to visit a salon that specializes in formal hairstyling before attending the wedding.
Clothing That Guests Should Not Wear to a Wedding
As an invited guest, you should bring appropriate items and wear clothing that follows basic etiquette. Generally, you will not go wrong if you choose items that are simple and not too flashy.
For men, it is best to avoid wearing shoes or bags made from fur or animal skins obtained through brutal killing. You should also avoid casual bags made from cloth or paper materials. In addition, try not to wear accessories that are very flashy or oversized, as well as small items with character patterns or unusual motifs.
The type of bag that can be brought into the event venue is usually a small bag that looks formal. Larger bags or other bulky items are typically stored in lockers provided at the venue.
Conclusion
Basic etiquette when attending a wedding begins with responding to the invitation card, preparing a wedding gift along with its envelope, and selecting appropriate clothing for the event. If there is something you do not understand, you can ask store staff, coworkers, or friends for advice. Preparing for the event should also be an enjoyable experience.
Choose an envelope with a design that the bride and groom would appreciate. You can think of various creative ideas while still following basic etiquette—for example, coordinating your dress or tie with other guests. Finally, do not forget to offer your prayers and congratulations to the newlyweds.